I've been in school for a few weeks now, just chugging along. I haven't had a single exam or paper yet, so naturally next week I have a paper due Monday, two exams on Tuesday, and an exam on Wednesday.
Today at my Communication Club meeting I ran for and was elected Public Relations Chair. I'm happy because that will give me more things to do aside from just going to class and doing schoolwork. It's nice to have something to dedicate some time to away from the daily grind, you know? Besides, it's good for the resume and for networking, blah blah. I'm also thinking of applying (don't laugh) for Lambda Pi Eta, the National Communication Honor Society. It probably won't be as easy for me to get into this as it was to win my title in the Comm Club, but I figured it would be much cooler to be a part of, not to mention also good on my resume. They have 400 chapters nationwide, and would also be good for networking. Besides, when I apply, the worst they can do is say no.
I've had a weird feeling lately, about men. Or, "boys" seems more appropriate. At first I feel dumb for thinking about boys so much, but as my mom put it, if we're not thinking about boys now then when are we going to think about them? Haha. Anyway, the one boy I had leftover feelings for from last semester turned out to be a disappointment, and I've had trouble finding a new interest, which is unusual for me. Of course, the boys who like me, I don't like back, which is a frustrating situation for everyone. Meanwhile, the boy I thought I liked apparently can't be that interested back, which is also frustrating. So now here I am, with nobody reciprocating feelings anywhere, and no new interest to preoccupy my young adult female self. So much frustration of all types; can anybody find meeee somebody to looooooveee... thank you Queen.
I feel like I have already overthought this whole thing. I'm not really used to playing the waiting game like this. I usually am always interested in someone somewhere. I guess I'll have to bear down.
The career fair is tomorrow and I'm attending. I'm a tad bit nervous because I've never been to one of these before, but I suppose there is a first time for everything and I'm sure it will be a good experience. Sigh. Sometimes I am just motivated for all of the wrong things. I am looking forward to the first weekend in October when I get to drive out to San Diego with Cassie. The more I travel, the harder I find it is to stay in one place. After the summer, it seems impossible to stick around anywhere for six weeks without switching it up. I'm so horribly ready to be done with classes and studying and exams and papers, but so horribly afraid of what happens when all of that is over. Step by step, graduation draws nearer, and there's nothing I can do to stop it...
~L
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
No Sleep, No Sex
Let me start by saying this title is entirely misleading. There is nothing about sex in this post, but it seemed catchy in the title. Secondly, it's not about the lack of sleep I'm having, but the opposite problem... sort of. Let me explain.
The past 6 days or so I have been falling asleep at roughly 5am. A few days ago, I went to bed at 2am (not unreasonable) but woke up at 7:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. I was so exhausted by 1pm that at that time I took a 4 hour nap, waking up at 5pm. My sleep schedule has been complete erratic. Mostly, I'll get into bed around 2, fall asleep around 5, and wake up around 2pm. This is very, very bad. I missed my morning classes on Thursday and my morning classes today, which means I've missed a full week of those classes.
This problem isn't new to me, as I've generally had sleep issues on and off for the past 7 years or so, but it's been quite a while since I've had it this bad. It's a bit scary because it's very hard for me to fix, and also because it's the beginning of the school year and I really wanted to start off on the right foot. Yet, here I am, missing in-class assignments and valuable lecture notes. It's upsetting.
Perhaps the worst of it is the fact that I am spending so much time in my bed, thinking thinking thinking, unable to turn off my brain and call it a night. Last night, around 4am, I was so fed up with not sleeping that I grabbed my ipod and mindlessly searched for songs to sing along to. I watched things on Hulu on my computer. I tried different positions, tried eating, tried drinking, but nothing. It's extremely strenuous attempting sleep, when I know my sleep schedule is so messed up that my body won't even allow it.
When I finally wake up for my morning class when my alarm goes off, it feels like 5 in the morning to someone who sleeps normal hours. There is no way I can get out of bed. This is the weak part of me, the part that grabs hold of sleep when I finally find it and doesn't let go. I almost want to cry when my alarm goes off because the antidote to my late night torture is being taken away from me. This pattern I've fallen into is very dangerous for my health, my lifestyle, and my academics. Waking up in the afternoon is a bad way to go about each day, especially if I don't have anything to do in the middle of the night while I'm awake.
To make matters worse, I had a dream last night that my friend Maggie and I were shopping, or something like that in a big city, and I was wearing my retainer for the first time in a long time. I knew my teeth were shifting, but when I took my retainer out to talk to a salesperson I could feel that one of my teeth had loosened in the straightening process. I touched it and it fell out, with a little bit of blood. I could feel a new tooth emerging underneath, which was strange because obviously I had already gotten all of my adult teeth years ago. As I was freaking out, I noticed another tooth was a bit loose, so I wiggled it and then it fell out too! I'm pretty sure I was hysterical at this point, and then a third tooth fell out. I was holding a napkin with three of my adult teeth, and all I wanted to do was call my mother to find out what I should do but I had no phone. And then I woke up, and it was 12:30pm, and I had overslept my classes.
~L
The past 6 days or so I have been falling asleep at roughly 5am. A few days ago, I went to bed at 2am (not unreasonable) but woke up at 7:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. I was so exhausted by 1pm that at that time I took a 4 hour nap, waking up at 5pm. My sleep schedule has been complete erratic. Mostly, I'll get into bed around 2, fall asleep around 5, and wake up around 2pm. This is very, very bad. I missed my morning classes on Thursday and my morning classes today, which means I've missed a full week of those classes.
This problem isn't new to me, as I've generally had sleep issues on and off for the past 7 years or so, but it's been quite a while since I've had it this bad. It's a bit scary because it's very hard for me to fix, and also because it's the beginning of the school year and I really wanted to start off on the right foot. Yet, here I am, missing in-class assignments and valuable lecture notes. It's upsetting.
Perhaps the worst of it is the fact that I am spending so much time in my bed, thinking thinking thinking, unable to turn off my brain and call it a night. Last night, around 4am, I was so fed up with not sleeping that I grabbed my ipod and mindlessly searched for songs to sing along to. I watched things on Hulu on my computer. I tried different positions, tried eating, tried drinking, but nothing. It's extremely strenuous attempting sleep, when I know my sleep schedule is so messed up that my body won't even allow it.
When I finally wake up for my morning class when my alarm goes off, it feels like 5 in the morning to someone who sleeps normal hours. There is no way I can get out of bed. This is the weak part of me, the part that grabs hold of sleep when I finally find it and doesn't let go. I almost want to cry when my alarm goes off because the antidote to my late night torture is being taken away from me. This pattern I've fallen into is very dangerous for my health, my lifestyle, and my academics. Waking up in the afternoon is a bad way to go about each day, especially if I don't have anything to do in the middle of the night while I'm awake.
To make matters worse, I had a dream last night that my friend Maggie and I were shopping, or something like that in a big city, and I was wearing my retainer for the first time in a long time. I knew my teeth were shifting, but when I took my retainer out to talk to a salesperson I could feel that one of my teeth had loosened in the straightening process. I touched it and it fell out, with a little bit of blood. I could feel a new tooth emerging underneath, which was strange because obviously I had already gotten all of my adult teeth years ago. As I was freaking out, I noticed another tooth was a bit loose, so I wiggled it and then it fell out too! I'm pretty sure I was hysterical at this point, and then a third tooth fell out. I was holding a napkin with three of my adult teeth, and all I wanted to do was call my mother to find out what I should do but I had no phone. And then I woke up, and it was 12:30pm, and I had overslept my classes.
~L
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I just realized
that my blog is dumb. Even though I have never sent the link for it to anyone, I am somehow disappointed by the fact that no one has ever read it. At the same time, it's so juvenile and meaningless that maybe I should be happy about that.
Things are starting to get strange in my average life... I find that most of my recent discoveries or revelations about life, relationships, school, and so forth are really just things I knew all along but never wanted to believe.
Today, my roommate and I burnt a pizza and freed a moth.
~L
Things are starting to get strange in my average life... I find that most of my recent discoveries or revelations about life, relationships, school, and so forth are really just things I knew all along but never wanted to believe.
Today, my roommate and I burnt a pizza and freed a moth.
~L
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